Newborn

Behind my eyes

Are the makings of a you

Before you take that breathe

Taking your first steps

I see that you eyes are pure

The feet that have a journey ahead

For the path you take will lead you fame

In your mind

It will so be time to design

You destined path

To pave the road to your glory

To smirk at your height

That forever you will be surrounded by white pillows

That are always there

Familiar to the touch.

This story has no happy end

For a new light shines

Another must go dim

But a light that is never forget

Never goes dark

Thos who remember

Keep me alive

what if?

This world cant be sown

To the image that you have thrown

Down the corriders of your mind

Only to questions if im really there

To ensnare the ideal of this fucked up life

Only has a beginning and end

That above the clouds is only space

That down below is only rock

That the image of our god was a joke

I toke to put my mind at ease

From all the monsters within

So when I look at your face

I can explain that the human race

Is  fake

we understand hate before we understand love

this is a first for this

I FUCKING HATE THIS. no amount of words can express my distasced. i cant walk. i cant drive. i cant conccitrate . everything i love has eben put to a hault and my emotions. my peace of mind has been flipped. i sit not with depression but with anger. and frustration. as i watch my child being takin care of. as i watch ppl play my sport and i see ppl practice my art.. no. i am stuck. left to the side only for me to build my frustration till i implode. exploding wouldnt do a thing. there is no one around for me blow up on. i have lost alot of my friends that i have had. ruined alot of things. the thoughts i have now cant be trusted for they are only thoughts tainted by hate. in the times of need i will always be there. but why is it i am alone? my room has only become the vessel of my frustation that grow exponetionally by the day. dammit i cant even fucking type on my keyboard without pain. the sad thing is. in my darkest moments. i can never find it in myself to call those who are closes to me to my aid. its a funny thing. i choose to be alone

you pull me along
my string attached to my toy
when i finally catch up
your nowhere to be found
where you ever there?

in the eyes of the creator i have no regrets, for our greatest gift was our greatest downfall

extending a helping hand has no worth, if the person extending the helping hand cant even help themselves

the sound

simple vibrations

your voice puts me at ease

the waves passing through my brain

turns me to mush

paralyzed

yet have you ever felt such bliss

For those who never overcome the ball and chain can never experience true freedom

He swings with a right
i block
he follows with a hook
i dodge
i counter
he blocks
i kick
he falls
he isnt the man i see before me
my greatest enemy
the man is me

Run, run, run
your shadow is your greatest fear
the mirror to show your soul
the thoughts that tell you who you are
Run, run , run
eyes shut to the reality
my soul
my shadow
my thoughts
arnt mine
Run, run, run
face to face
eyes shut from reality
im consumed
eyes open
to see me

White
as i tense my body
the soul dims
ur just a trigger for this bomb
the more explosives you give me
the more sensitive my trigger becomes
i hope you've read the warning label
for who knows what will set this off
maybe
you

there is a man in my head
blood thirsty
he is
i resast for as long as i can
but as time goes on the man grows stronger 
and i loose control
bloodshed
on my hands
i cant rid the red
but was it worth taking a life......
i looked into his eyes before he died
as he died 
so did my soul
but i feared
the man would call agian
for i have no soul left
soon 
i wont exist

war

war

WAR!!!

the battle is the space between
the sounds echo past the ears
my soul is picked up
tossed around
torn
to stay sane
is the myth

Through the weapons of destruction,
we can see peace

day 1, 6/12/09

i have found this notebook on a stack of paper.
with my heart heavy with regrets i ahve decided to use writing as my escape.
for the words flowing out of my pencil onto paper speak strongly of who  i am.
i worry about my next step.
i worry about the hate that grows in the owner.
he seems to want to set an example of me.
i dont think this si fair to me to be blammed for otehr crimes i have not committed.
i wish this dream was over and i can wake up to the break of dawn.
words cannot describe how my emotions are tearing me apart and how they are the reasons for my burden.
i am pinned, hope but a memory.
i will live on.
with regret and remorse.
though i will not let you know of my sarrow.
you may only see it as i look up to wish i could change the pas.
if only i stopped.

eyes betray me.
this time has not yet rippend for me to taste it.
i sit and watch as times color changes.
things appear more vived with clearity.
i can see.
i picked the fruit that seems to never rippen.
as others get there taste.
i sit.
wait.
for anxiety isnt the only thing eating me.
the hate for time as it moves to slowly.
i no longer wish for a taste.
nor do i wish for another fruit.

my blade

words peirce my skin.
the abuse, you see with your ears.
as a fists can bruise.
words may be your blade.
for scars lay beneath where no one can see

truth

truth is a perspective.
just a veiw.
not based on fact.
for everyones sotry may be true.
they all may be different

though words speak true.
life has no givin meaning.
destiny is but a veiw.
we live and die.
what we do with our lifes is the true question.
for forever is closer then you think

alex

your lifeless

the only thing keeping your cold body warm is the blanket covering you

all faces are hung low

to only seem as there starring at where he will be soon

as the cross tells us we should be looking up

see him leave

i cant shake it

upon the news a life was born,

to see teh faces of life and death

there is no such thing

in deaths face life is born

within it souls pass on

to nor heaven of hell

but to another

now 
he may warm  new life

i grow tired of this worn out place

my tastes have changed and i wish to taste something

sweeter and fits more my taste

i come near the end of this age

and i cant help but to look at the path i have carved into this ground i stand upon

i cant help but to think of regrets

how when the sunrises those regrets will ignite upon the touch of the suns rays and wisp away forever.

my worries gone

as well as those i dread most 

the people

though through the haze of illusions only a few will stand out and be real.

the real illusion grasp will be gone as the new age comes, 

you yourself can look at the person on the other side of the glass

and see who exactly he is

he is you 

life

for there is no meaning to life, the meaning is to live life

purpose is what we believe to exist. though people have come to give them selfs a purpose so that they may have meaning. its the right to free choice of there own. we are special born with the right to choice our porpose our meaning. for you have no meaning when you are brought to this world. meaning purpose and destiny is in our control. we are not here to fulfil the duty of others but to fullfill the duties of ourselfs

Stuborn


you sit there waiting
for the words that have been painted on you,
have not dried